I had it all planned out, I knew what I wanted to do, what I needed to do, but my mind did the normal of let's throw this all out of the window, lets turn you into a blank idiot, were nothing makes sense and what you want no longer matters, Yet all I wanted… Continue reading I just want it to stop.
Detached reality
ok before I start 1) I'm on the rum and 2) I dont want to turn this into a lifestyle blog or a blog about my life in general. Yet this post sort of covers that. Detached reality , this is what I have become and I struggle to understand this feeling. Standing alone yet… Continue reading Detached reality
I am just me
I don’t share my story to seek assiduity, I don’t show my wounds to seek solace. I seek solitude, I know my path, I am soon to walk that path, I chose to share my journey for nothing more than to remind those who have forgotten, I am a person with a heart, a person… Continue reading I am just me
Flashback
This is a flash back that had potential of being amazing, but that too was taken from me, BUT I will remember these times with a smile and warmth Every little girl dreams of being a ballerina, those big stage lights and pretty dresses. I too was one of them, I wasn't by any means… Continue reading Flashback
A Precious Life Changing Memory : Chapter 3
This post comes with one beautiful positive and two terrifying negatives, both held strong in my memory. Ill start with the positive but that's mainly due to it being the first moment to happen between the two. The latter sadly leads to a even bigger chapter that happened to cause my life to almost shatter… Continue reading A Precious Life Changing Memory : Chapter 3
Dreams
Some people say dreams have meanings, others say they are just random thoughts, some say they are from another life. Dreams for me, used to be one of escape, one of no fear. Then they grew more recently to nightmares, ones that shake me from a deep sleep in a panic, ones were I find… Continue reading Dreams
Flashback
Hugs, cuddles, squishes, what ever you chose to call this sign of affection, its meant to be one of warmth and love, esp from a parent right? Welcome to my world were from a mother this moment was one of pain and discomfort. It started with her hugging me so tight, bear hug I think… Continue reading Flashback
Why is it so hard?
Why are some things almost impossible to write, some things will be hard I understand, but one thing in my life I can't even begin to start, don't know were to start or how too. One thing that I have locked away, blame myself fully for, one thing I shouldn't but I do, one thing… Continue reading Why is it so hard?
Panic Attack 3/06/19
A saying you hear of often, yet one few understand. I always assumed panic attack and anxiety attacks were the same thing. Unfortunately for me yesterday I found out they are in fact two very different things.A anxiety attack builds over time, its not as intense, still not nice, but not as heavy and can… Continue reading Panic Attack 3/06/19
Flashback
I have been unsure of what to title these short blog posts, a snippet of my history. Short flashbacks of moments that really impacted my life. Moments that may seem insignificant to some but to me, they have caused a ripple effect throughout my life. If anyone can think of a better title...let me know!None… Continue reading Flashback
*I’m Fine, But I’m not OK* 11/5/19
This was a day of very high emotion, a day where my husband saw me at the lowest, a day that I wish I could change, but I can't do that, so reflecting and moving on, is all I can at least try to do May 10th 2019. That knot hit me hard again. Despite… Continue reading *I’m Fine, But I’m not OK* 11/5/19
A Precious Life Changing Memory : Chapter 2
Friday January 14th 2000 Chapter 1 can be viewed hereThe little bundle hadn't arrived when expected, so it was time for the eviction notice to take place. The date was set, my bags packed and my transport to the hospital sorted. I had a last min scan to ensure all was OK, sent to a… Continue reading A Precious Life Changing Memory : Chapter 2
The Start of the road to hell
When one begins to journal their paths, do they start in order, or do they just dive in with what comes first, sorting order after. I am in awe of those people that write their autobiography's, the one's that detail everything from a young age, leading to a story of someones life, worded like you… Continue reading The Start of the road to hell
When is a truth a truth or a lie?
As a child you get told to tell the truth. It's something I try and teach my children every day, truth and respect, I have learnt to tell when they are lying, from this they have 2 chances to turn it round to the truth or discipline comes down hard, very rarely has it come… Continue reading When is a truth a truth or a lie?
*Drunken Ramblings #1
*drunken ramblings* Life is measured by time and memories, everything comes down to time and these so called memories. Time waits for no one, so one has to base their life around a controlled situation, yet you should learn to manage that time wisely, believing it to be your own, within your own power and… Continue reading *Drunken Ramblings #1
*but I’ve not left it yet* 10/4/19
April 10th 2019, I got asked, how do we stop you returning to the path you got too last week? I didn't respond, but if I had, my reply would have been a whispered.....*but I've not left it yet* Peacefully Erratic Just a week after I was found near The Tamar Bridge (You can read that… Continue reading *but I’ve not left it yet* 10/4/19
A New Path 2/4/19
Tues 2nd April 2019, After months of me being in a strange place, everything took a downhill spiral to the point of no return, I don't know what caused it. I just know what happened on that day to a point. I did wonder if any point to writing this, then I realize it's all… Continue reading A New Path 2/4/19
Whispers of Time
Given my upbringing, the belief that there is more then just this life was one comfort to me. Maybe because of my upbringing, I became more open to feeling more then just this reality. My mother used to clean a old manor home, It was beautiful. For me it was a maze of corridors and… Continue reading Whispers of Time
Childhood Smiles
Growing up in Somerset, just a few mins from my home there was an open air swimming pool. It was run down, but it was a pool I loved. I remember it so well. Most weekends and during the summer holidays, most days you would find me here. Id throw on my swimsuit at home,… Continue reading Childhood Smiles
A Precious Life Changing Memory : Chapter 1
This chapter of my life is long, a memory that continues to this day, a memory that will never end. It's one I need to break down into more then one part, as it really is chapters and a series of events in my life, a part of my life that really changed me. Don't… Continue reading A Precious Life Changing Memory : Chapter 1
Oblivion
When your a young child, nightmares come at night, though hushed away by the whispering reassuring sounds of a parent, for when you wake in the morning and the dark fades into the light, those nightmares are no longer a part of you. For Some tiny beings, those nightmares were created by the shouting of… Continue reading Oblivion
Memories
Memories create you, Then destroy you. We all begin life with nothing, our minds a blank canvas. As you grow, our time, our moments, become tomorrows memories, that shape you into the person you become. Taking our experiences and using them to weave our path in this life. Some are forced upon us, others a… Continue reading Memories
