I have a lot tell me that I am doing well, I have many tell me that clearly medication and therapy etc is working. I have learnt to smile sweetly, and reply sure thing dude. When in reality I want to scream that it doesn't work that way. If only it was that simple, yet… Continue reading Self Care
Control Yourself
Emotion I have always struggled with, hugs came with pain, Verbal emotion resulted in a telling off,I have never fully had the chance to understand or trust emotion, always expecting another motive,Whilst my moods and tempers as I grew, never allowed to be their own, instead, teased and mocked,Expression not allowed without a negative reaction.… Continue reading Control Yourself
Clashing Worlds
2 worlds, my own love, and my husbands, both dream's, hope's and passion working along side either other, until the day came one of us had to make a choice. This path has watched me change and grow over the years, a path that scares me, as I never know were I am one moment… Continue reading Clashing Worlds
Lies Vs Truth
I have no set timeline, I wish I did, but my mind doesn't work that way, it flows as it pleases, I have too document as I can, I am sorry there is no true flow, Moving onI have always been taught to tell the truth, a beating would follow what she believed to be… Continue reading Lies Vs Truth
24 hours of time
The past 24 hours has opened a world, I didn't intend on visiting, It opened a past I had kept under lock and key, a world I fear. A memory of a time, I wished to blog about, but didn't know when. Every day, became the tomorrow, the tomorrow became another time,Every excuse was heard… Continue reading 24 hours of time
The first time
As a child, I loved stories being read to me, Enid Blyton, the secret Severn or, the famous five, These stories, I read as a child, from the age of 5, forward, The magic tree, I adored, a fairy tale, I could escape in, A world I loved. I recall my bedroom as a 6… Continue reading The first time
Mind Games
Why do our minds play games on us, What point are our minds no longer a part of us, instead,They become something working against us, Causing us more then what we set out for. Whether that is pain, happiness, or other, it's all simply out of our control. Recently, moments of memories come into my… Continue reading Mind Games
Liverpool
You would have thought my London trip would have taught me a lesson, instead a life lesson didn't happen, and I was naive enough to believe and trust those around me. I returned from London, embarrassed and ashamed, I for the first time, truly felt hate, I for the first time felt uncertainty, I didn't… Continue reading Liverpool
London
A memory that sits strong in my mind, a flash back that has happened more then one time, a moment that lives blurred but strong in a time of confusion. A moment with no strong timeline, I ask bare with me as I blog this memory, my first of this style, this is so hard,… Continue reading London
Laying in bed, late last night, My eyes slowly closing, I wait for peace, I wait for sleep, I wait for quiet, Moment's later, my eye's open, Hoping hours had passed, Yet nothing but a few had,I find myself in solitude, I see a wall, yet beyond nothing makes sense, I see before me a… Continue reading
Dreams
Dream's, the one thing that visits me without fail, lock down or no lock down, just another part of my life I cannot control. Dream's that come when I sleep, dream's that fill me with apprehension before my body even lays down. Fear of the unknown filling my mind. Dreams where I struggle to know… Continue reading Dreams
A beautiful Memory
The memory, the moment, of one time, Every day reflecting in my mind, The sound of silence, Wind rushing round my body, The chill running through my veins, Freedom just moments before me, Solitude my future, Pain holding time still,The moonlight reflecting across the water, The feeling of nothingness, The water reflecting movement yet stillness,… Continue reading A beautiful Memory
Digital Art
Many know me as a photographer, but way before photography, I learned digital art, it was a a natural progression from *standard* art. I once was able to get a place in art college via a portfolio I had built up, but sadly due to home life, it had to be turned down. At the… Continue reading Digital Art
Nothing Wrong Here
A saying I speak to myself daily, a saying I live by, I feel a saying I have no choice but too make my own, as every one else in this world is in a worse place then my own, I understand that, I respect that, I have it said to me enough, but I… Continue reading Nothing Wrong Here
Lost and Confused
This isn't a post on reflection, I do not see the point of reflection, it changes nothing, but brings forward the failures of the past year, the pain and reminders that I am still here. This isn't a post on my so called mental health, as apparently my mental health can be switched off right… Continue reading Lost and Confused
Confusion
This is a brief post, one that will go greater into detail in the next post, it's a post to say a year ago I landed on a path that until now not many have experienced, I'm now informed now many walk this path, so I have no right to voice my pain, or complain… Continue reading Confusion
Sunday’s
I know for many Sunday is a day of relaxation, a day of family time, for some reason for me, Sunday's drag. I just want them to end. I don't like Sunday's! I often wondered if I had a reason unknown to me as to why, all I get though are happy memory's, Memories that… Continue reading Sunday’s
Yesterday evening, Lightning lit the night skies, with a couple of soft sounds of thunder. When Storm Denis decided it wasn't going to leave without a final strong goodbye, as very loud bangs and rumbles filled the night, it sounded like it was right out side our bedroom window, I will admit I screamed in… Continue reading
Pro Choice
Not my normal blog post, I have been unsure whether to post this here or direct to social media, I may do both. I live my life via pro choice, I do not believe in pro life, nor do I believe in pro suicide, Where my mind is at personally given my journey over the… Continue reading Pro Choice
One Vision
Often flashbacks pay me a visit, often without warning, flashbacks remind me of the path I have walked, I feel uncomfortable, I hate the vision, I hate the emotion, I hate the fear, I loathe the control as it takes over me. I have learnt to disguise them from daily life, act as if nothing… Continue reading One Vision
Nightmares,
I have blogged before about nightmare's, Nightmares that visit me often, nightmares that I no longer know reality from dream's. Not a negative post that I promised to stay away from, just a post reflecting on in a time of which I am confused. When I lay down in bed, when I pull the duvet… Continue reading Nightmares,
Protected: A link that cannot be broken
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
I am struggling to blog at the moment, I do not recall the last time I was on my own with nothing but the sound of silence surrounding me, I need my blog, but I need instead to bottle up and hold in. For now though, as simple post to keep this small part of… Continue reading
Nightmares or reality?
When you head to bed, hoping to wake refreshed in the morning, hoping a night of bliss brings you relaxation and a new day, Bur, what if instead, you head to bed, and you find yourself in a world where you question reality, question dreams, fear is strong, nothing makes sense, yet everything is happening… Continue reading Nightmares or reality?
Christmas
Christmas, one time I managed to turn a negative into a positive, One time I was able to make a change with now happy memories attached. Let me start from the beginning. Growing up, as soon as the Christmas music started playing in the shops, as soon as the lights lit up the town, a… Continue reading Christmas
